We advised a client today about how to make 3 improvements to their proposal ending texts. Writing a descriptive of your service or product and pricing it is only part of the new business development process. It is essential that it leads to a next step to keep the discussion going and lead towards a buy/no-buy decision by the prospect.
Three key information points in a proposal
- clarifying next steps
- adding a timescale
- pushing the client towards buying what you want to sell
Here is the original ending paragraph they wrote:
Let me know if you are interested in talking more. If it would help, we can quickly provide a demo of steps 1 and 2 if you provide us with some game event data. As part of that demo we can demonstrate how simple creating new reports / analyses is.
By improving the text the reader is given clear expectations about next steps in the discussion process .
We recommended editing the last paragraph to give clarity on the 3 key information points
“The next step is for you to send us with some game event data and we can quickly provide a demo of steps 1 and 2.
As part of that demo we can demonstrate how simple creating new reports / analyses is. We would make a nominal charge for this work of $XXX which will be fully refundable if we proceed to a full implementation.
I will call you on Wednesday next week to confirm when you can send us the data and a date for the demo.”
Although sounding rather presumptuous this text sets clear expectations with regard to timeframes and next steps against which you can update your biz dev pipeline.